


Touch

by TururaJ



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 06:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17955698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TururaJ/pseuds/TururaJ
Summary: Perhaps, not today or tomorrow, maybe not even a year from now on.





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paperballoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperballoon/gifts).



> Dear Paper-san, Happy Birthday!  
> It's 4 a.m. for me and I apologize if this sucks like... very much. I've been trying to write stuff for you the whole February, and still couldn't. I wanted it to be more touching and deep, but there's no time now. I do hope though this will be an okay read for one time maybe?  
> Please, always stay the way you are, for you are a wonderful person, and the whole world needs to know that!  
> ~ ded Tj who still needs to go to wrok.. ehhhh, work... soon.

It was a bright summer day; the clear blue sky stretched immensely, though Slaine could see only the small part of it from where he sat. The bench under him was metal and cold - the epitome of uncomfortable, but he didn’t care. Why would he care about the silly bench when he had a full day of being allowed to stay outside, in the yard? The miracle only happened when Kaizuka Inaho was around, and Kaizuka tended to visit him only once in two weeks which meant that throughout the whole summer Slaine would have six days outside if the weather was good.

He rolled the sleeves of his blue shirt up, fixing them close to his neck, closed his eyes and stretched his legs fully, leaning his head against the tree trunk that stood right behind the bench. He wasn’t fooling himself about getting a suntan; his pale skin would burn fast if he exposed it to the sun. No, the only thing he hoped for was to chase away the chill of his prison cell; sometimes he felt like it had crawled too deep into his body. Slaine guessed seven years of imprisonment would do that to any person.

The slight wind was ruffling the foliage over his head; the trees in the yard rustled softly, and Slaine soon found himself in the state of in-between of staying conscious and falling asleep. Even Kaizuka’s quiet breathing to his left wasn’t irritating him today. The day was too nice, perfect, something Slaine never expected to experience again in his life. His body ached longingly for the relaxation he had inadvertently provided it today with, and he reveled in the summer warmth, forgetting about his usual pains, his horrid nightmares and the unending loneliness. He felt like he was melting into the modest portion of nature which the prison yard represented for him.

He was calm, peaceful - almost happy - until he felt it. The barely noticeable touch - a speck of warmth that suddenly burned his upper shoulder. For a moment he thought he had dreamt it - the feeling seemed so surreal. No one had touched him for the last seven years or so. There was a medic stationed at the prison base of course, but the man’s touch had always been short and professional. Slaine never felt anything during the scheduled checkups. No, there was never the blinding warmth and utter gentleness involved.

Slaine opened his eyes, and his world was mercilessly thrown upside down. Kaizuka Inaho had leant his head, and Slaine could easily see how the wind caressed his tousled hair - so-so near Slaine’s face. But what really mattered was that Kaizuka Inaho was kissing his shoulder below the rolled up sleeve. His warm lips pressed into Slaine’s cold skin, sending a swarm of goose bumps run up and down Slaine’s arm. His heart skipped a beat. It was impossible. What was happening was impossible. Outrageous. There was no point for Kaizuka to kiss him - so tenderly, calmly and delicately. His lips lingered as if he was enjoying the proximity, the touch, the way Slaine’s skin felt - the reckless, crazy act of kissing.

Slaine couldn’t help himself - he recoiled to the other side of the bench in fear, alarm and total confusion. Kaizuka’s lips kissed the air, and it took him several seconds to come back to himself. Slaine noted his reaction was unnaturally slow - he sat back, met Slaine’s horrified gaze, then blinked with his lone bloody eye and, looking obnoxiously dispassionate, adjusted his neck tie.

“I’ll go bring us some juice,” Kaizuka said at last in a steady voice and unhurriedly walked away from the yard, leaving Slaine completely stunned.

The summer day was ruined. Slaine took the juice warily only after Kaizuka had put it on the bench between them. He kept ogling Kaizuka for the rest of the day, forgetting about relaxing and enjoying the sun. But in the end Kaizuka Inaho kept silent and never explained himself. He escorted Slaine back to his cell when it was time for dinner and disappeared in his usual way without saying any goodbyes.

***

Slaine couldn’t sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, his shoulder burned in memory; he shivered. It was seven years, seven years since he was able to feel someone’s else touch. More so - no one ever kissed him in this particular way. The only Lemrina’s kiss was desperate and demanding, Asseylum’s - childish and pure with the want of saving him. There was no one else, never, no person who’d wish to taint themselves with Slaine’s being. Yet, Kaizuka Inaho had again brought chaos into Slaine’s life. It was maddening. The question of ‘why’ kept Slaine awake through most nights until next Kaizuka’s visit.

When Kaizuka walked him outside Slaine suddenly felt apathy. Two long weeks had passed uneventfully, and the only thing he managed to work out was lack of sleep. Nothing would happen; the seven years of nothingness would continue. Any other possibilities were absurd. Slaine lowered himself on the bench with a sigh and stretched his body once again. The grass tickled his ankles, and he let himself enjoy the moment. He didn’t roll up his shirt sleeves today, but rested his thin arms on the bench.

The peaceful feeling that settled over him reminded him of a distant past when Dr. Troyard, his father, would hold the swimming mattress for him, and Slaine would climb on it and let the sea water rock him over and over again while the sun stood proudly high in the ocean of blue, the up and down merging in a magnificent unity. Slaine almost smiled; it was a good memory, one he had entirely forgotten about before this moment. Lately it was getting so easy to forget that he too had some happy times in his life. Being enclosed by the dark walls of his cell and bound by his own guilt, it was impossible to remember any pleasant memories.

A gust of wind rushed forward, messed Slaine’s hair, brushed the edge of his shirt sleeve. He felt like escaping with the wind, to the distant horizon he would never see again, and right when his mind soared freely he sensed it - a gentle touch, chaining him to the ground. He didn’t dare move, no. He opened his eyes carefully, trying to hide his stare behind his fringe that needed a cut since long ago, and examined the way Kaizuka Inaho was holding his hand.

The tips of Kaizuka’s fingers slid down Slaine’s arm as if they were searching for something over the interfering cloth, paused at his wrist to rub the place where handcuffs always irritated Slaine’s skin, then went further, caressed his sharp knuckles and slowly traced his thin fingers before finally entwining themselves with Slaine’s. Slaine couldn’t hold back the reaction - his whole body shuddered. Kaizuka should have felt that, yet he didn’t take his hand away. He was calmly sitting on the bench, too close to Slaine, with his eye closed; his whole pose spoke of total relaxation. Slaine couldn’t help but envy.

Why was Kaizuka touching him again? What was the reason behind this madness? Slaine gritted his teeth and ordered himself to move his hand away, but the treacherous limb suddenly had a mind of its own. It clearly took pleasure in the way Kaizuka was doing little strokes on the inside of his palm, and how his thumb rubbed along his little finger. Warmth spread all over Slaine’s body, painted his cheeks; his heart raced in a strange excitement, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t bring himself to break their connected hands.

Most of the day they spent like this: Slaine was silently drowning in the sea of questions and unfamiliar sensations, and Kaizuka simply napped. He didn’t look at Slaine when it was time for him to go, just carefully untangled his fingers and stood up, leaving Slaine alone for the next two weeks of agonizing wondering.

***

The third time it happened, Slaine already expected it and left his hand lying palm up on the bench. Now the insides of their hands touched and it felt wonderful. So wonderful Slaine’s chest hurt, and he resisted desperately the need to clutch his locket. He couldn’t stop Kaizuka again and didn’t want to. It was so good to feel the human warmth and the shy caresses Kaizuka gave him. After seven years of emptiness it felt like a miracle, and he was too afraid to ask Kaizuka about it. Asking meant talking, and talking meant finding out the reason, and there was no guarantee the reason was something Slaine would like.

Kaizuka’s touch was mind-blowingly gentle. He acted as usual, but the way he stroked Slaine’s fingers or massaged the inside of his palm was breathtaking. Every time it happened Slaine melted into it, his lips trembled, and it took all his strength not to crumble from the onset of emotions. He felt alive, cared for, he fooled himself into thinking that it meant something. He knew his hopes would be shattered again, but the touch was so overwhelming he was cherishing the illusion. He wanted it to last.

And so it went like this for the whole summer. Slaine let Kaizuka hold his hand and tried not to be so obvious during their stay outside. He never reached for the contact first and never reciprocated the touch. Kaizuka’s visits hadn’t become more often either, he was steady in everything, and in a way Slaine appreciated it. Kaizuka had kept him company for the last seven years, brought him books and food to try, played chess with him and sometimes riled him up in arguments just so Slaine would emerge from the void he often sank to.

The summer days continued, and Slaine was happy - as happy as he could be, hated by the world and cast away by the person he gave away his life for. And then - the autumn came, and Kaizuka’s visits stopped.

The first week Slaine was sure he had confused the days; it was so easy to mistake the time without a proper calendar. But the third week had passed, and there still was no sign of Kaizuka. Weeks turned into months, and soon the autumn ended. There were no more walks, no new books, nothing to fill his bitter life with. Slaine felt dead inside, once again broken in the cruelest of ways. He knew Kaizuka would never return now. Perhaps, what had transpired during the summer was his revenge. Perhaps, he should just accept it and end his miserable life. The guards had become very negligent in the last two years, and Slaine could easily find a way.

But as the days continued he noticed he wasn’t able to gather energy for thinking. He kept lying on his prison cot, under the heavy blankets Kaizuka had supplied him with long ago, and stared into darkness, refusing food and the trips to shower. Even the memories of Empress ceased bothering him. It was funny how his pathetic existing broke into pieces so fast. All it took was Kaizuka never showing up. Slaine laughed shortly and closed his burning eyes. He would not let himself cry.

In the middle of winter he started coughing. He barely ate, did no work out, and the weather was extremely cold. He didn’t mind the cold though: it was what he deserved, and if it became the reason for his end - all the better. He felt the fever building up slowly, but never called the guards. Curling into himself like a deathly wounded animal and shaking terribly, he waited until that blissful moment where his conscious would slip away. At some point his thoughts scattered, replaced by muddled hallucinations, and after several exhausting hours the merciful darkness finally came. 

Someone was breathing close to his ear, and the sound pulled him out of the deep sleep. He felt awfully weak, yet something was different. There was no chill of his cell; his body wasn’t shaking. Despite the tiredness, his mind was clear, and he was very sure he couldn’t have gotten better on his own. Slaine forced himself to open his eyes and was immediately blinded by the morning light. It took him minutes to try again, he had to squint.

He wasn’t in the prison anymore. The prison never had such large windows which opened up a view of the dark sea. No, he was in an unknown spacious room full of cozy furniture. There were leather armchairs and a big wooden wardrobe, a bookshelf and a small coffee table, carpets on the floor and strangely garish pictures on the walls. He was lying on a soft bed, covered with incredibly soft duvet, and the person who was sleeping near him was none other than Kaizuka Inaho.

If Slaine had any strength he’d probably strangle Kaizuka right away, but Slaine didn’t trust himself to move. Kaizuka’s white shirt was unbuttoned, and Slaine kept his stare on the part of Kaizuka’s chest that he could see. It would probably feel very warm if he touched it. Ah, he was going crazy - wanting to make sure Kaizuka was real instead of demanding answers.

“What the… hell, Kaizuka?” he croaked before the other’s breathing lulled him back to sleep.

Kaizuka blinked, awake at once, and stood up hastily from the bed to pour water into an empty glass, waiting on the coffee table. He returned to the bed quickly as if he didn’t want to be separated from Slaine even for a second. The sheets rustled as he climbed back, and Slaine greedily gulped the precious water, not minding that some of it dripped down his chin. Kaizuka took away the glass in time; Slaine’s fingers were too weak to keep on holding it.

“You fell ill, and I had you transported to your new location while you were unconscious. I apologize for not informing you beforehand. Per agreement with UFE and Vers, you are now under my custody, and I deemed the prison to be a bad place for your physical and mental health,” Kaizuka paused, something akin to worry for a moment flashing in his face. “This will be your new home, Slaine. If you want it.”

The words were very hard to absorb. No, Slaine understood their meaning, but after half of a year of absolute desolation to hear words like ‘home’ was too much. He couldn’t help himself. He started laughing, and laughing turned into coughs, and coughs then turned into an angry roar, and Slaine found himself attacking Kaizuka, though in no more than ten seconds his attack turned into hysterical sobbing. Just the smallest touch to Kaizuka’s arm was enough to make him want to grab the warmth and never let it go again.

He pressed his forehead to Kaizuka’s chest and panted, his hands desperately holding onto Kaizuka’s back. Tears burned his eyelids while Kaizuka was stroking his back softly. He guessed he could stay like this and prolong the euphoria but he needed to know. The agony of the last months was too much. He couldn’t let it happen again. He wouldn’t survive it, the hurt was suffocating him. 

“Why? Why am I here?”

It took Kaizuka minutes to answer, and when he suddenly stopped his caresses chills ran down Slaine’s spine. Was it the wrong question to ask? Slaine raised his head to look at Kaizuka, and it seemed to be the right move. Kaizuka’s gaze was apparently seeking his eyes.

“I’m in love with you. Have been for a long time now.”

To say Slaine was shocked was an understatement. He knew Kaizuka would never lie; he was blunt, up to the core, even in the most ridiculous situations, and Slaine was used to it since long ago. Kaizuka wouldn’t lie or joke now, no, he was utterly serious, and Slaine had to answer something. But what was he supposed to answer to the first ever person in his life who had feelings for him? His mind was in sheer chaos, and he could only mumble, “But I’m not… I don’t…”

“It’s alright, Bat,” Kaizuka stopped his inner torture right away. One of his hands searched for Slaine’s hand, and Slaine let their fingers entwine. It was a familiar gesture and somehow it calmed him down very fast. “I understand that for you to regard me as a possible partner is difficult, if not impossible. What I hope for is merely a chance - for you to see me some day, not today or tomorrow or even a year from now on. A chance is enough, but I needed to get you out of the prison first, and it took years.”

Slaine didn’t know what to say and stayed silent. All the news spilled on him - the sudden transfer and Kaizuka’s feelings - made him feel weary. He was too weak, still ill, probably; he wouldn’t make any decisions in this state. He was not alright mentally as well; he needed to get better first. Kaizuka seemed to sense his anxiety and moved a bit away, making sure their hands were still united. 

“You should rest, Slaine. We can talk later.”

Slaine settled in the warm bed comfortably, silently praying he wasn’t dreaming. It would be too devastating to return back to his lonely cell. The warmth of the new bed and Kaizuka’s presence already seemed to crawl too deep inside his soul. Slaine sank slowly into the sheets, into the warmth, into the promise of tomorrow, his heart beating steadily, his fingers reaching out longingly for Kaizuka. 

“Bat, can I kiss your shoulder?” Kaizuka asked him quietly when Slaine was floating on the edge of slumber.

He felt like giving permission was a huge step he wasn’t sure of yet. He didn’t want to give Kaizuka any false hopes. Yet… he couldn’t forget the utmost gentleness in the way Kaizuka Inaho had kissed him for the first time, back in the prison yard.

“Just this once,” he whispered, and when the familiar lips touched lovingly his skin he suddenly knew - one day he would be happy. Perhaps, not today or tomorrow, maybe not even a year from now on. But it will come to be.


End file.
